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November Skater In Residence - Kurt Browning Blog #1
Source: |
Skate Ontario |
Date: |
November 2020 |
Author: |
Kurt Browning |
BLOG TIME !
Funny word ... blog. It kind of falls out of your face like an
accident.
"Excuse me, but what did you just say? I couldn't quite understand
you." "Oh, pardon me, it was nothing. (cough cough) I just blogged a
little."
As far as describing something you write, blog is a much nicer word
than 'essay.' Essays are so demanding and structured. Blogs are
un-structured, I am told. I have also been told that I can be chaotic
and unorganized at times. Well, if that is true, then blogging should
be right up my alley. So stand back, 6 feet at least, because I am
about to blog, and I wouldn't want to get any on you.
So...what have you all been up to during this pandemic? Really? You
don't say. Uh huh.
To be honest I really only asked to be polite and we both know you
can't answer me anyway, so, let's keep pretending. Now, ask me what I
have been up to. (insert that question into your mind now). Well thank
you for asking. I ... have been 'up to' my neck in photos.
Photos of me, basically.
Me skating
Me training
Me backstage
Me at restaurants
Me posing... tons of those
Me mugging... even more of those, unfortunately me Me ME ..... 😩
It's enough to make you have to gag a bit, or blog, whichever comes
first. Going through 5-6 thousand photos of your life, I wish I were
exaggerating here, gives you quite a bit of fodder to ponder.
I bet you are asking, "Why so many photos?" Well, I was an
international competitor during the era of 'the envelope full of
pictures.' Before digital pics, we snapped a shot but did not know the
results immediately. To remind some and educate others, we actually
had to take the roll of film to a store and get it developed. When
dropping them off, you often got propositioned, "Want an extra set of
prints? Just a few bucks more. 😃 " So, if you took the bait, you had
an extra set of pictures to give to family members, friends, or even
one of your fav skaters.
I was often handed an envelope with as many as 50 pictures from a
competition I had been in. 5 of me doing figures, 10 of the short
program, 10 of the long, 10 of the award ceremony if you made the
podium, 10 of you skating in the gala and finally at least 5 of you
walking to or from the bus into the rink or hotel.
It adds up!
As I culled the photographic herd, it felt like I was being
disrespectful. You see, the garbage can was filling up to the brim
with flat, colourful memories. It is amazing how many bad pictures you
can take of a person skating, or am I just a tough subject to make
look good? 🤔 And in case you were wondering, I looked into it, and it
seems you cannot recycle ♻️ pictures ... darn it.
Speaking of pictures, a quick shout out to a few of the people who
were especially talented at making me look half decent in a photo:
Tina, Debi, Andrea, Tracey, etc etc. Much Appreciated. And thanks to
my mom (Neva) and my sister (Dena) as well. They made scrapbooks and
answered fan mail. I unearthed so many ancient podium shots from my
teenage years and all of them with my Mom's glorious handwriting on
the back with dates, details and names.
Names like Don Cowan, Andy Klein, Douglas Hemmerling, Mathew Hall,
Patrick Brault, Doug Mattis, Norm Proft, Mike Slipchuk, Ronny Winkler,
Paul Wylie, Heiko Fischer and even Brian Orser. The podium was a
special little club. A mini elite gathering on a precarious platform
where we wallowed in accolades, applause, awards and admiration. All
the 'A' words, it seems, were heaped on those 6 shoulders (12 for
dance and pairs). The podium is, understandably, a very special place
that took quite a bit of time, trial and error, and good old-fashioned
hard work to even apply for a spot. It left you jealous if you did not
get to climb up and join in. Sport, like life, is hard that
way.
Did any of you wonder why I didn't mention Elvis or Victor? Patience,
please. What... you in a rush to put your spice rack in alphabetical
order? By the way, that is on my 'to do' list tomorrow.
Where was I ? Right, on the podium.
One of the best experiences I ever had while waiting to be handed a
medal was in 1989. It was the World Championships in Paris, and it was
the first time us 3 lucky kids had ever been on a world podium
before. Grzegorz Filipowski placed third and, as happy as Chris Bowman
and I were, Grzegorz was ecstatic! As I looked back at that moment in
my life from different angles in different photos, I wished I could
really go back and listen to what he was saying that made Chris and I
laugh so much. He was one happy, bubbling bundle of joy and
entertainment. In contrast, Victor Petrenko seemed stoic and
intimidating. Sharing a podium with him was more like one sportsman
respecting another sportsman. It wasn't until we toured through Italy
together that I realized he had a silly, fun and spontaneous side. One
night we were all joyously gathered in my hotel room, as usual, and he
decided to wear the top to my long program outfit. It was a purple and
pink suit jacket kind of thing and it fit like a glove. To be more
precise, I am not sure how he could breathe with it on. Canadian
Champion and triple axel girl Lisa Sargeant tried it on too. She liked
it so much she asked to wear it out to dinner (I have the pictures to
prove it). That was the same night I chewed one end of a thin bread
stick and famous East German coach, Juta Müller, nibbled at the
other. Use your imagination. Years later Lisa was getting married to
another skating friend, Jamie DriscolI, and I gave that jacket to her
as a gag wedding present. Skating has been a portal to all sorts of
amazing friends over the years.
Speaking of Elvis, he has never borrowed any of my clothes that I know
of. Our on-ice rivalry stayed just that, on the ice. Our touring lives
hardly ever crossed until recently on Stars On Ice. It has been great
to spend time and see things from each other's point of view. He
appreciates that I know the judges treaded lightly on me a few times,
and I appreciated the day he thanked me for helping him along when he
was new to the big scene. We were, and still are, a good team.
Of all the thousands of images, and memories, I have sifted through, I
have chosen to 'blog' ( insert tiny cough sound ) about the podium
pics that I found. The traditional 3 smiling faces :). Of course not
everybody is in bliss on the podium. I am sure that silver, when you
are expected to win, or especially when you actually thought you
deserved that win, makes for a bit of a forced smile. While on the
third step of the podium back in Paris, Grzegorz, on the other hand,
was probably so happy because he was not favoured to make top 3 at
that worlds in 1989. It is all about expectations isn't it?
On my list of things to do, or lately pictures to organize, I will
hopefully finish an album that consists solely of those podium
pictures. I Even found a stash from my teenage years. Ahh.. we were so
young. It has been fun to flip through and see the changing width of
our pant legs, different amounts of sequins, depths of our neck lines,
lengths of our collars and loss of our hairs. What isn't in this
particular book are any shots of myself on a podium with 5 rings on
the front of it.
Now, what if this album did have a picture of me on that particular
podium? And, since we are in la la dreamland now anyway, what if there
were even two pictures of me on a podium from two different Olympic
Games (small pause to think on that). Well, that little daydream was
fun but it just wasn't to be. I have created a different album with
pictures from my 3 Olympic Games. They include some tough memories but
also wonderful moments I do not ever want to forget. I did not medal
at the Olympics, when expected, but I have dear friends who never ever
got to even go. Perspective!
Time smudges things. It smooths the harsh, cutting edges of our
losses. How I dealt with my Olympic failures, right or wrong, helped
me move forward with my professional career.
"92', I had a bad back." "94', It was bad luck in the warm up." More
like bad decision making! Looking back, I think that not being
announced as Olympic Champion, like most to my right and to my left in
Stars on Ice were, made me hungry. I needed to find a way to
contribute while skating in a cast that gives off such a golden
Olympic glow. I knew I needed to take risks and work my skating butt
off to be creative, entertaining and relevant in that
environment. But, these past few weeks of photo-sorting and
soul-searching has me wondering a little bit. "How would I have been
different had the Olympics turned out, well, more golden?" I am sure
it would have been fun but maybe I wouldn't have worked so hard or
been as fulfilled as a professional skater?
Guess we will never know. With 5 world medals and so much luck in my
life, I do not deserve to whine, but after this deluge of photos
showing me everything in super slow motion, it is hard not to
wonder.
Truly, I struggle to remember the Kid From Caroline, as they called me
back then in the papers. Are my memories really mine or have photos,
videos and four big moments twisted my memory of my younger self? Of
course it has! No choice really. I see a kid in those photos with a
mischievous smile and a fantastic mullet. He looks like fun, trouble,
but definitely fun. A champion, I suppose, but more importantly, and
hopefully, a friend to many. Lucky, too. How did he jump so high with
horseshoes in his pockets? Looking at these pictures I get pulled into
my past but not for long because there are dogs to walk, kids to cook
for and so many other daily things to take care of. And since we
cannot stay in the past, we also need to remember that we cannot stay
the same person we used to be. Holding too tightly to either our
successes or failures is, in my not-so-humble opinion, potentially
unhealthy. Human history can teach us about ourselves. Learning from
our past shapes our collective future. When not sorting pictures, I
have been watching 'Origins' on Disney+. (not a paid
endorsement). They talk about how the human race is constantly molding
and pushing our borders, our lines in the sand, back and forth over
the centuries. There are trends or developments that changed
everyone's lives forever. So many opportunities to learn. For example,
lately, everyone on the planet is keenly interested in how past
pandemics were dealt with. Pretty sure not too many of us thought
about that this past New Year's Eve. It helps to look back and learn
from our global past but it also works for individuals as well. We
think back on the big moments like jobs taken, moves made or marriage
proposals accepted or turned down, but we also learn from the little
moments too. Quite recently, I learned that the cupboard door left
open can attack the top of your hairless head leaving a mark for all
to see. Hurts too! I now close that door every time. Mistakes teach us
to put our keys and glasses down in a consistent place, that dogs
don't usually get out through doors that have been closed and that
plants thrive much, much better when actually watered
occasionally. And on a bigger scale, looking back has taught me that
losing the Olympics actually hurt me more than I let on.
Unlike smacking my head on the open door, I did not learn, and did it
again. The feelings I have about those two losses have evolved over
time. Sometimes we need to change the Band-Aid on old wounds, or
better yet, realize we are healed and throw that Band-Aid
away.
The trinkets, videos, photos and medals are all part of who I was, who
I am and even who I will be someday. I have realized that it is
important to understand that we cannot stay who we were or even who we
are because we are all constantly evolving. Writing this has changed
me a little and potentially aged you a lot. (almost done here, thanks
for your patience).
Even though there were things in my past that I had hid from, I now
believe that we should not be afraid to look back on our lives. Be
open to change and growth. Try not to hold on to things so hard that
you cannot evolve and grow naturally. I look at myself on those
podiums and I know I cannot sit back and be that person my whole
life. Those successes are there for me to lean on, but not to stand
on. And when I see pictures of myself sliding across the Olympic
rings, on my keister, well I try to let that lesson lift me. Carrying
in our hearts an awareness of our mistakes, in any arena, yes, that
pun was very intended, is a useful tool. Feeling regret or sadness for
too long can turn into punishment ongoing. Mistakes, bad luck, bad
judgment, regrets, they are all great teaching tools. But consider the
option of allowing yourself to trust that you are always growing. That
you've learned your lesson and that it could be time to move
on.
Finding, organizing and preserving my skating past has been quite the
emotional journey. It has moved me to tears and laughter and given me
a reason to reach out to so many friends and also to remember ones
that we have lost along the way. And you know, I bet I'm not alone in
this. I am sure many of you have taken this journey lately as
well. This pandemic has done so many terrible things, but I bet that
our basements, closets, garages and storage lockers are looking better
than ever. Wish I would have bought shares in Got Junk!
Speaking of the passage of time and journeys, thank you so much for
going along with me on this blogged up thought process. I doubt we
will be hugging anytime soon, but there is a chance I might be in a
photo stashed away somewhere in your life. Why not open up an old box
full of memories, come visit, and remember...
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